Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
