There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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