I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
