soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
