no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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