I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
