he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
