his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We are two peas in an std pod
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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