He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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