I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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