Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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