i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
