okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
