you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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