You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
