i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
