have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
