Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
