The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
