Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
