I wish I could teleport
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
