I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
