take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
