oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
