laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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