dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
