just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
