the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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