I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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