my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
