we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
