Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
