Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
