3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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