oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
