I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
