what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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