We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I did not marry a roomba.
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