I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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