I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
