is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
