Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
