Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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