Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
