Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
