so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
