Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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