He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
