Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize