my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
