He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
