I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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