He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
