seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
