TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
