Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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