I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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