Your face is a jimmy john
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
