Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
