Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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